Age

The “gift” of a time and times way past
Hopefully I will be the person I always wanted to be.
I don’t mean have the body I always wanted to have for that didn’t last
The wrinkles in my face and the dark under my eyes everyone can see
The not so easy to disguise once firm butt
The rounded waistline that they call my gut

The “gift” of a time and times past
“Who is that person looking at me!” I screamed
When I looked in my mirror this morning I saw her fast
“Who is that person looking back at me?” I beamed
Who is that who looks like my mother and granny
When did I grow so careful, watchful and canny.

I might want to trade a few friends and parts of this amazing life
I might think about cashing in my some of my loving family
I could get rid of a few gray hairs and a bit of the strife
I wish I could still strut more irresistible and fancily
Phew, this is a gift? I guess it is if I look at it right
If am less cynical and more kind to myself I might see a different light

I've become my own friend as I enjoy this gift
I chide my self less for the extra pounds and stuff
I don’t feel guilty for not making the bed if you get my drift
I even treat the kids as if I was less tough
I now have no guilt for spending an extra dollar or two
Don’t care much either about the couple of hundred I blew

Too many good friends and family have left this earth too soon
Some got a chance to enjoy the freedom that comes with age
Some didn’t even get a chance to enjoy their grandchildren bloom
Others couldn’t image the ease that comes with this stage
I am glad I got a chance to feel this feeling
I would jump for joy but I have difficulty even kneeling

It is nobody’s business that I watch TV till the dawn of day
Who cares what they say when I choose to sit for hours
I finally don’t give a poot what any one has to say
Just because I am older doesn’t mean I have to start planting flowers
I might choose to sleep with books, paper, and pen in my bed all night again
And wait for the funds my son and daughter told me they’d send

I still like to dance to movin tunes of a classic R & B jam song
One might even make me weep over a love forever lost back flash
Sometimes I forget what I said in just a moment too long
I can hardly walk some mornings less known run too fast
I am not ashamed to sit on the lake in a swimsuit and shawl
It may be stretched over my bulging flesh and all

I don’t care anymore if others pity me
Surly over the years my heart has been broken.
A heart not broken can’t experience the joy of being set free
My tongue can hold the things that don’t have to be spoken
I hope I have strength, courage, understanding, and compassion
And too, to my loved ones, my love I don’t have to ration

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray
I am so blessed to find it easier to be the positive one
I am so blessed to have earned the right to choose to go or stay
I don’t question myself anymore and I feel good about who I have become
I am still here living and paying no mind to what could have been
I don’t worry about what will be except of course the evil and angry men

The “gift” of a time and times way past is large
I think I am the person I always wanted to be.
Nurtured and nurturing as I was given charge
Giving and grateful and forgiving with a heart strong as a tree
Favored and blessed and creating and comforted and Him I obey
Faithful and dignified and honorable and loved and skilled at keeping sin at bay
 
Reprinted from:  She Speaks Psalms ISBN 1-60813-056-8; Though She Speaks Psalms incorporates affirmations of God and spirituality, the work is more social and political than it is religious in its portrayal of life and its difficulties.

You know what I love?

I love having options!  I love being able to choose for myself.  I love the fact that I do what I do daily because it is what I choose and not what someone is forcing me to do.  Have you every been under the "control" of someone?  It feels uncomfortable, intimidating, and irritating.  Sometimes you may even feel afraid and the worse thing is that you're not even sure what you are afraid of.  It's not a good feeling at all.  Being free from "control" is liberating.  The funny thing is that, guess what?  I choose to live the same lifestyle as the one who tried to "control" me pushed and forced and insulted me and didn't trust me.  Only, I do it better!   The Lord said he hated divorce, as a matter of fact most of us do too, but  he didn't say it didn't need to happen nor did he say it wan't going to happen.  Well guess what?   "Shit happens!", It's just life.  Sometimes bad things, things that are taboo,  unspeakable things, they do happen and very often we become better when it happens. 

I love not having to alter my personality or my opinion or my views and even my plans to fit someone else's when they don't appreciate my efforts.  I love not having to be frustrated with having perfectly normal questions or being asked questions that makes me feel prodded and violated and accused.  By the way, what is it that I am being of accused of anyway?  "Silly Rabbit"  I could never figure that out.  Isn't it wonderful, I don't have to try to figure it out anymore and I freakin LOVE it! And, why all the "extra" rules, the rules that make me feel uncomfortable and irritated but the maker feel empowered?   Why all the extra rules?  Why aren't God's rules enough for us to live by?    I love not being in a position of feeling someone is intentionally trying to wear me down or beat me down  in order to make me give in to their whims and fearful persuasion.  You don't have to force me into submission.  I love to submit to that which is good, healthy, true, and right.   I love having the right to freely make my own decisions and choose what is truth.  I love not feeling intimidated and panicky, and unsettled, and demoralized.   I love trusting my own feelings and being honest with myself.  I love not being afraid to reach out to others whom  I trust with my emotional needs. 

You know what I love?  I love being me.  I love being an educator, though it's draining sometimes.   I love being a mother, though watching my children make mistakes is painful.   I love being a wife, though next time he has to be a kind and loving man of God.  I love to sing though I'm no Diva.   I love having a clean house, though it is not always so.   I love having the choice of good healthy food readily available to nourish me and my children.   I love having shelves and shelves of my own books to read on a variety of subjects. I love being a writer who works in education and being respected for my work.  I love not feeling like I have to look for love but it will be sent to me.   I love listening to good music.  I love to dance.  I love praising God. I love trusting The True and Living God for my everything.   I love to hug. I love to smile.  I love to touch.  I love going here, or there, or anywhere and  even nowhere as the spirit moves me.   I  love spending my valuable time with people I love.  You know what else I love?  I love the Lord's Sabbath days.  I love taking long hot baths in the dark with scented candles and lots of bubbles that smell good, though the motor is burnt out on my whirlpool.  I love laughing with my friends and my sisters and my cousins, the one brother I have and his wife.  You see I love to laugh, and I love to  laugh a lot.  I love to write poetry, and short stories, and curriculum designs and informative articles.  Guess what else?  I am writing my first novel.  Isn't that exciting!  

You know what I love?  I love to inspire.  I love being inspired.  I love sharing.  I love giving.  I love NOT crying and feeling poorly.  I love receiving love and complements and gifts and of course money.  Who doesn't love receiving money?  I love watching my children make good choices and enjoying their lives in a clean way that will make God look at them favorably.  I love reading God's word for comfort and for understanding and for inspiration and for information and even to laugh.  I love not thinking about other's random opinions of me.  I love the idea of, me, walking in the streets of Jerusalem, on the streets of gold in my bare feet, in a city being built by my God right now.  I love seeing the back of Jesus as we come with him for the battle.  I love the idea of seeing that great city come down out of heaven as I read in my bible.  I love being able to have another day to secure my spot in that place that warms my heart and brings tears to my eyes.  I hope I make it.

You know what I love?  I love being me.  It feels freakin fantastic!