Age

The “gift” of a time and times way past
Hopefully I will be the person I always wanted to be.
I don’t mean have the body I always wanted to have for that didn’t last
The wrinkles in my face and the dark under my eyes everyone can see
The not so easy to disguise once firm butt
The rounded waistline that they call my gut

The “gift” of a time and times past
“Who is that person looking at me!” I screamed
When I looked in my mirror this morning I saw her fast
“Who is that person looking back at me?” I beamed
Who is that who looks like my mother and granny
When did I grow so careful, watchful and canny.

I might want to trade a few friends and parts of this amazing life
I might think about cashing in my some of my loving family
I could get rid of a few gray hairs and a bit of the strife
I wish I could still strut more irresistible and fancily
Phew, this is a gift? I guess it is if I look at it right
If am less cynical and more kind to myself I might see a different light

I've become my own friend as I enjoy this gift
I chide my self less for the extra pounds and stuff
I don’t feel guilty for not making the bed if you get my drift
I even treat the kids as if I was less tough
I now have no guilt for spending an extra dollar or two
Don’t care much either about the couple of hundred I blew

Too many good friends and family have left this earth too soon
Some got a chance to enjoy the freedom that comes with age
Some didn’t even get a chance to enjoy their grandchildren bloom
Others couldn’t image the ease that comes with this stage
I am glad I got a chance to feel this feeling
I would jump for joy but I have difficulty even kneeling

It is nobody’s business that I watch TV till the dawn of day
Who cares what they say when I choose to sit for hours
I finally don’t give a poot what any one has to say
Just because I am older doesn’t mean I have to start planting flowers
I might choose to sleep with books, paper, and pen in my bed all night again
And wait for the funds my son and daughter told me they’d send

I still like to dance to movin tunes of a classic R & B jam song
One might even make me weep over a love forever lost back flash
Sometimes I forget what I said in just a moment too long
I can hardly walk some mornings less known run too fast
I am not ashamed to sit on the lake in a swimsuit and shawl
It may be stretched over my bulging flesh and all

I don’t care anymore if others pity me
Surly over the years my heart has been broken.
A heart not broken can’t experience the joy of being set free
My tongue can hold the things that don’t have to be spoken
I hope I have strength, courage, understanding, and compassion
And too, to my loved ones, my love I don’t have to ration

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray
I am so blessed to find it easier to be the positive one
I am so blessed to have earned the right to choose to go or stay
I don’t question myself anymore and I feel good about who I have become
I am still here living and paying no mind to what could have been
I don’t worry about what will be except of course the evil and angry men

The “gift” of a time and times way past is large
I think I am the person I always wanted to be.
Nurtured and nurturing as I was given charge
Giving and grateful and forgiving with a heart strong as a tree
Favored and blessed and creating and comforted and Him I obey
Faithful and dignified and honorable and loved and skilled at keeping sin at bay
 
Reprinted from:  She Speaks Psalms ISBN 1-60813-056-8; Though She Speaks Psalms incorporates affirmations of God and spirituality, the work is more social and political than it is religious in its portrayal of life and its difficulties.

Failure to Launch: Motivating the Unmotivated Young Adult/Child

We have a group of unmotivated young people in America who are between the ages of 18 - 25 and are victims of academic sinkholes & drop out factories.  They have failed to launch into adulthood successfully.  The schools their parents entrusted to educate them have literally taken from them all encouragement and motivation.  These young people go from job to job, have no desire to go to school, or enroll in unrelated classes they don't have the skill to complete. They have little to no experience in success.  These young people don't know what success feels like and are stuck in a rut with few opportunities available to them.   Parents don't understand what happened, why this young adult can't succeed, and these parents are not sure what to do.  Our children need prayer.

            In the past, we pushed our children out of the house as soon as they graduated high school or turned 18.  This is a grave mistake and it needs to stop.  We have created a group of young adults who suffer the "failure to launch" syndrome.  Another problem is that they didn’t have a clearly defined plan for next steps after graduation. Before they walked across that stage the school counselor should have made sure they set 5 and 10-year goals.  Someone should have made sure they gradated with a complete resume that had been proofread by a parent or counselor.  High school graduates who intend on going to college should graduate with not only 10 college applications completed but acceptance letters from at least 5 plus a completed financial application. The child who experienced successes before 18, left high school encouraged, and is helped with the process of next steps in life will be the one least likely to become a life long unmotivated adult.  Yes, he or she may have difficult times and challenges, but will be highly likely to pick him or herself back up when they fall.   So, how does a parent build self-esteem in an adult-child?  How does a parent assist an adult-child with developing a clear plan for their future?  I am a parent of 3 young adults.  In addition to constant prayer, these are 3 steps that I find really helps to motivate our unmotivated young adults whom we love.    

            1    Don’t brow beat him or her.  Reevaluate the message that you gave them as they were growing into adults.  Really think about the message you gave them and how you contributed to this their present state of dysfunction.   Take a long, hard, and honest look at your part in this big mess.  How can you redirect past or current messages?  As difficult as it may be, the one thing they don’t need is someone constantly telling them how useless you think they are.  They don’t need to be harassed, they need gentle but firm coaxing.  They need the courage to set themselves up in situations where they can experience small successes.  The real fact it they have not been successful in the past and don’t believe they can be in the future.  Find reasons to complement them on their potential.  And for those times where you just couldn’t help but tell them how disappointing they are, you owe them 3 complements.  Note that if you reprimand and complement in the same sentence or same conversation, that complement doesn’t count.  It is just extra.  They need someone to believe in them so they can learn to believe in themselves.   They need encouragement, complements, and kind words more than they need you to give them anything else including money.  Money cannot buy motivation.  Above all, even if they no longer live under your roof, don’t give up on your adult-child. 


            2     Listen and listen emphatically.   They don’t need you to talk at them nor give them directives, unless asked.    They need you to listen.  We direct the unmotivated young adult more by asking pertinent questions than giving directives.  These questions should be generated from our listening.  Listening to the unmotivated young adult who you raised is the most important thing you can do.  Most of these young adults have something in their hearts that needs healing.  They need to learn to let go.  Most of them also have something important to say and they need to be heard.  Listening attentively is difficult, though this is may be difficult for you, it is what your unmotivated adult needs. 

Successful listening in this this way means not interrupting, keeping eye contact, nodding frequently, refraining from any comments, and keeping the body language neutral at worst and emphatic at best.  Being emphatic is different from being sympathetic.  Sympathy is feeling sorry for someone and may being supportive of his or her experiences.  However empathy means to not feel sorry for them but to really understand what they have experienced and to see their view as well as understand their hurt but not necessarily feel sorry for them.  When you listen emphatically you validate their feelings without enforcing it as an excuse for doing nothing and being non productive.  When you are emphatic you are sensitive to their feelings and understanding without enforcing excuses for their behavior.  You are being compassionate and understanding but not enabling. 

Also, when he or she is talking it is not your opportunity to correct them or even give suggestions.   At the same time we don’t want encourage whining.  Right now this exercise is about listening.  We’ll talk about what to do after the listening in another blog.  When he or she is talking it is not an opportunity to be corrected, or even get suggestions, YET.  If he or she asks for suggestions at this time, that is a different matter.  If in doubt keep all remarks to the unmotivated young adult from your own experience.  For example, “When something like that happened to me I…. “ or “This is what happened when I went through that same thing…..”  If you did not have a similar experience then it’s probably best to say nothing and just listen.  There is learning is quiet as the unmotivated young person reflects upon his or her own words and thoughts.  As a rule of thumb, if you are  unable to positively identify his or her story or you are not sure what to say, remember, say nothing at all. 

Nothing carries less risk of causing more damage and thickening the walls between the two of you than a hurried remark made to fill an awkward silence.  Don’t be afraid of the silence.  Use the moment of silence to send up a quick prayer.   Often out of the silence comes an “ah ha” moment for the both of you.  You want to be mindful of body language as well.  Watch your paraverbals including your tone, volume, and cadence.  It is important to remain calm, especially if you are challenged with something he wants to get off his chest.  You will want to remain calm so the wall between the two of you will dissipate if she asks difficult questions.  Your body language should be encouraging and not make your young adult shut down once you’ve gotten them talking and sharing.  This is your child, and you are not excusing their behavior, but you are providing them with a platform to get it out, get it behind them, get over it, and let it go.  Whatever the underlining trouble the intent is to help them let it go.  Remember that as you listen.  If you have to speak, put her statements in your own words instead of asking her a question out of sync with the problem.  The idea again is to get them to open up so they can begin to let go of the bad stuff and that they feel have occurred and move on, even if you feel their feelings are not validated.  Remember that silence on your part allows him to clarify his thoughts and reflect upon the message to himself.  Your goal is not to teach at this point, but rather, to listen in order for this unmotivated young adult can learn to drink from the cup of healing and be more productive. 

3   At this point, you’ll have to bond with your adult-child by involving yourself in things that will help him or her.  Enroll in a yoga class together.    According to Yale University, yoga helps to put more gas into the brain.  Yoga helps to develop and increase a person's intellectual capacity and sharpen memory and concentration. The exercise, according to preliminary studies, has helped improve concentration.  There are specific types of yoga that focus on redirecting the brain.  Certain yoga techniques are designed to change alters the way path brain waves.  As memory moves into consciousness, it becomes malleable, which means it can be changed.  Thoughts provide the fuel for this change.  Investigate EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique).  This is a wonderful technique for removing the negative emotions that limit our success. Using this technique, you and your young adult can gain the emotional freedom to truly pursue.   To learn more about brain management and EFT, contact Dr. Sunni at nulifesunni@yahoo.com.  Above all, if you really believe in prayer put your adult child on the alter, as faith without works is dead. 

In conclusion, the bottom line is that the system has failed them and parents were too busy to notice or too self engrossed to give it time.  At this point in their lives, parents need to encourage these young people to do it themselves.  There are no more free programs for them anymore.  No one cares if they really succeed or not.  The social system is not designed to encourage them.  Instead the welfare system and social programs discourage them.  I realize parents want to wash their hands of these young adults because after all, they are grown.  And yes we don’t want to set them up to forever rely on us, but there is something parents can do now that they did not do before.  That one thing is to encourage them and to help them build their self -esteem.  Add this to your daily prayer and watch how they are transformed. 

Self - esteem and feelings of hopelessness is the problem for their failure to launch into adulthood successfully.  They lack self-motivation and self-discipline.  They don’t really know they can be successful.   The bad habits in which they are stuck have existed for some time and gone unnoticed or unaddressed for whatever reason.  This is one of the most important times in development in the life of a young person. If we, as parents, don't pay attention to making this a successful time for our unmotivated young adults then not only do we pay for it in the future but society pays as well.  We need to stop releasing ill prepared young adults into the world.  This wreaks havoc on taxpayers.  They lack hope.  Though they are no long children.  They are still humans and as fellow human beings it is our responsibility to do what we can to motivate them not matter their ages.  Remember to pray.

There’s a Sister in the White House!

There’s a sister in the White House!
braiding her daughters hair sitting on the kitchen floor betwixt her long brown legs
cooking chicken flipped and turned in a bowl of white flour
frying hot water cornbread with water from the White House kitchen tap
that satisfying scent she got from her black mamma in the hood
and smellin’ the White House up with sweet potatoes, peach cobbler, black eyed peas, and collard greens on the stove
insisting her children make up their own beds
Whose youth are hopeful and now don’t have so much to loathe
Who is sure to teach her daughters how to pray
And the Lord is still coming soon someday.

We have a Black First Lady y’all
inspiring our daughters to love their blackness
It might not be so hard for the children of the folks who enslaved us to accept the African American president born to a Kenyan daddy
but the First Lady spot was always beheld as this nation’s symbol of a lady
a sentimental mother THEIR beloved housewife with the occupation
held high, esteemed good quality, distinguished, and refined
Look at that sister sitting on THE pedestal
How will they accept their newly darkened white house redesigned?
The same color as the one coming soon
when the sun will be darkened and we will see blood instead of the moon.

Are they ready to look at this very BLACK woman in THE house?
With her degrees and her austerity and her intellect
Are they really ready to see her as the epitome of the American wife, mother, and first lady
On their White House carpet now walks wide feet like copper with traces of wooly got to be permed  hair
Their White House mirrors see her wide nose and thick lips
This confident revolution reared from a black mother and father’s assurance is televised
The legacy of enslaved chocolate dark slave girls calling the Lord’s name
Not even second class, whipped, chained, beaten, and raped in clandestine suites
who does not have to sneak into the white house through the back door to join the President of The United States of America under his sheets
You go my sistah with your beautiful black self.
Their White House has been painted Black.
An occasion for our young daughters to increase their self wealth
An occasion to get our noble, regal, royal, stately, distinguished, dignified, fine back


 
She Speaks Psalms ISBN 1-60813-056-8 Inspiration, enlightenment, and empowerment for daily living. The author determinedly provides information that is bound to steer her readers to the only source for inner empowerment, The True and Living God. Motivation to live life to its fullest.

Save Me the Trouble; Remove Yourself

It was ten years ago that I laid on my couch waiting for the breath of life to leave me. Silly me, I was not ready to stand before the Lord and justify my actions. It was the pains of living that tried to convince me I couldn't do this living thing anymore.  But, The Most High sent my friend and sister April Weaver-Ford to pray for me.   After she fearfully drove on the expressway by herself for the first time from the city to the south suburbs, she stretched herself across my body and prayed in my ear. Something I'd obviously forgot to do. Upon hearing the name of Jesus in my ear and hearing her pray and recite scriptures to me, I was able to get up from that couch, accept the Most High as my husband, and LIVE.   I'd forgotten just how good God is, how dare I!   I beg his forgiveness for allowing bitterness to seep into my heart for a time.  It is Jesus who allows my friend Vicqui Clark, all the way in South Carolina,  to call or chat with me online each and every time I need encouraging lately.  I never hear from her until I am feeling melancholy and subdued and need to be encouraged.  She feels it from my posts.   He gives her the scriptures to remind me to read.  He puts his  words in her mouth and she puts it in my ears.  I only hope I can be an encouragement for someone in this way.   Thank you Lord for giving me another day to get it together and thank you for using my friends. "A friend is like a brother", or sister in this case. 

When I walked the streets of Harvey looking for  food to feed my children from the food pantries in the area  it was Jesus who helped me to find them  and carry the food  home more than 15 blocks away in some cases.  It was Jesus who helped me keep two children in college while  trying to feed 3 others alone.  When I was struggling to care for my father on his death bed while returning to college to improve the quality of our lives, it was my sister, Lisa Meaders and her husband Minister Darren C. Meaders who took over  the care of my sick father and picked up my children after school, feed them, helped them with homework, and cared for them while I worked and went to school.   I thank Jesus for putting it in there hearts to help.

When I was faced with the challenge of unemployment for 2 years and came home in the dead of winter to no heat, no lights, no phone, and no water -on occasion all at the same time - it was Jesus who got us out of those jams.  When the sunk pump in the basement was completely out of whack and we had water up to our hips and waste backing up through every hole in the house where water should be, it was Jesus who sent a plumber, whom I did not know, to fix the problem at NO charge.  I'm saying he was an angel but  I'd never seen him before he popped up at my door.  I haven't seen him since that day.  I don't know who sent him.  Many have entertained angels unaware that they were angels.  When the hot water heater or boiler went out again, always in the winter, it was Jesus who helped us out of those jams too. 

When my car broke down and I couldn’t afford to have it fixed causing me to have no way to get my children to and from school, it was Jesus who put it my sisters, Linda Goodwin’s heart to pay for it and fill up the tank.  It was him who put it into her heart to  help provide a roof over our heads.  It was HIM who provided an income for us,  getting us on our feet.  It was HIM who healed me when we thought I was on my deathbed, for real this time.  It was so serious and inflammation was spreading through me so quickly that my daughter came home from California to begin to make plans to take care of the little ones after I was gone.  It was HIM who took away the pain and moved my limbs and let me breathe with ease.  

It was Jesus who healed my heart when it was senselessly broken over and over again.  It was him who kept me sane and put this smile on my face.  It was Jesus who allowed me to overcome the loss of my precious and magnificent mother. It was Jesus who allowed my children to grow up, be educated, compassionate, productive, and unharmed as he taught them to serve him while they figured out how to live.

So, don’t  rant  and rave about who God is and what I should call him in my ears.  I don’t care what YOU call him,  I  will call him Jesus for as long as there is breath in my lungs because it was Jesus who helped me when I called his name each and every time I needed help.  There were no brothers around who claim they love me.  There were no sisters around who claim they admire me and are my friend.  As a matter of fact, many of these brothers and sisters sat in judgement instead of reaching out their hands to make sure.  I hadn't given up on the God we say we serve.  Many judged me harshly without all the information, false information, and even downright lies.    


Every time I needed help, Jesus was there and  I love calling his name! I adore him and he has my devotion.   I am so very grateful to Jesus and I thank him for being their when no one else was and for sending the things and people I needed.  I behoove you to  leave me alone if you don't have anything good to add to my life.  I would appreciate it if you would save me the trouble and simply remove yourself.

Shirley Ceasar - Jesus, I Love Calling Your Name